How to let go of the soul of a dead son. How to survive the death of your beloved husband without depression setting in? How to release a dead person? What prayers are customary to read for the dead and why is it necessary?

Question for a psychologist:

Hello. The story began in December 2015. At that time, I had been in a relationship for more than a year, everything was leading up to the wedding. I was invited to take part in a competition in one of the city's entertainment centers, where I met another young man (it happened by chance, he was in the company of friends). He asked for my phone number, and I gave it without hesitation, since my boyfriend and I had a little quarrel, and I was angry.

He never called me. Winter has passed and spring is already ending. In May 2016, we accidentally corresponded with him on a social network, he invited us to go for a walk. We walked for a long time, but time flew by, I have never had it so easy with anyone. I realized that a person is simply a part of me. He thinks, does, talks like me. I really liked him, but I offered him friendship since I was still in a relationship.

My boyfriend had problems, and I didn’t want to leave him, because I was grateful to him for everything, although our relationship had long since fallen apart due to misunderstandings and a mountain of contradictions.

I set myself the idea that I would pass the session, deal with all the problems and confess my feelings to that guy. After all, at that moment, all my thoughts were already occupied with him, although I lied to everyone that this was not so.

My plans were not destined to come true. At the beginning of summer he crashed... to death...

I didn’t believe it, I thought it was a conspiracy, I thought it was all fiction, I cried, became depressed, drank alcohol, begged him to take me with him. And now I think about him every day and feel his presence. I think I've gone crazy.

I'm not a stupid girl and I know that I have to move on with my life. At first I didn’t want this at all, but now I just didn’t care about my life. I became very cold, calculating, angry and hypocritical. I have no problem offending people, saying nasty things to them. I don't think about the future. I lead an unworthy lifestyle and have promiscuous relationships. I began to completely not care what would happen to me, because my soul perceives everything neutrally without emotions. I believe that it doesn’t matter what happens to my body in this world, because I will soon go to it, to heaven.

I'm scared. Please help with something...

Psychologist Svetlana Viktorovna Bashtynskaya answers the question.

Ekaterina, hello!

I am sorry for your loss and feel very sorry for you. The death of a loved one is a severe test in life, and it takes time and strength to survive it, because you have to go through pain, grief, anger, fear, regret and other strong feelings.

It so happened that you did not have time to realize your plans with this man, you were just planning to unite with him, dreaming of the future, of happiness. And at one moment everything turned upside down. And in front of you, instead of a bright future, an abyss opened up, an abyss - empty, cold and lifeless. It’s as if the meaning of life has disappeared, the purpose of life - everything has lost its meaning.

Ekaterina, what is happening to you is a process of experiencing loss and grief. This is a normal natural process. Without going through it, it is very difficult to learn to rejoice, love, and live on again.

And the thing that bothers me about what you wrote is that you are directing all the anger towards yourself and your body. You understand that this is not very healthy, you write about it, and you don’t know how to get out of it. It is important to acknowledge your feelings, your anger, and, most likely, your guilt. I may be wrong, and it seems to me that you are blaming yourself for not expressing your feelings sooner, for feeling like you missed out on your happiness, for perhaps if you had done something differently, then he would still be alive. And now you seem to be punishing yourself for it.

And I would like to say that you did everything that depended on you in that situation, you write quite logically about what happened. And I have a question. How do you manage to be angry only at yourself? When is it normal to be angry at others - at your loved one, for leaving you, at the participants in the accident, at other people, at the world, and maybe at God.

The fact that you are scared tells you that you want to move on with your life, because you are still a young girl with your whole life ahead of you, you are smart, strong, brave. And I am sure that your loved one would want all the best for you, he would want to see you happy and loved, he would know that you are not to blame for anything.

Everything about religion and faith - “a prayer to release the dead” with a detailed description and photographs.

A deceased person, no more than 40 days have passed since his death, is considered newly deceased. It is believed that for the first 2 days the soul of the deceased is on earth and only on the third day is transferred to heaven, where it will remain until the 40th day. Orthodox prayers for a deceased person help his soul to go through all the airy ordeals, and contribute to the Lord’s forgiveness of earthly sins committed.

Prayer for the newly deceased until 40 days

During the period up to 40 days, prayers for a deceased person should be read, following certain rules. The whole point is that from the day of death the Lord calls His slave to Himself and from that moment a difficult and thorny path begins to determine the place for the soul of the deceased.

The text of the prayer, read over the body of the deceased for up to 3 days

The third day after a person’s death is called thirds. On this day, the soul of the deceased goes to heaven. Therefore, it is very important to offer prayers over the body all three days and after the funeral, so that the soul does not suffer, but receives temporary peace.

Immediately after death, a special ritual of washing and dressing the deceased is performed. After it, loved ones can read a prayer-appeal to the Guardian Angel over the body of the deceased.

It sounds like this:

Prayer for peace after the funeral

Prayer for repose immediately after the funeral is very important, since it is at this moment that the support of living loved ones is very important for the soul. In no case should one treat dead people carelessly, since in this case the Lord will appreciate such an attitude and will not show leniency towards the soul of the deceased at the Last Judgment.

It is believed that after the funeral it is best to read a special prayer in the temple. This is the most powerful prayer. With its help, you can beg for forgiveness of many of the deceased person’s sins that he committed during his lifetime.

The text of the prayer after the funeral is:

Prayer for the 9th day after death

From the third to the ninth day in heaven, the soul of the deceased is shown the tabernacles of paradise. After this, she will have to wander through hell, experiencing various ordeals. To support the soul of the deceased before the expected trials, it is recommended that a funeral be held on that day.

The prayer, which is read on the 9th day after death, sounds like this:

Prayer to the Most Holy Theotokos for the newly deceased

A very strong prayer for the newly deceased is an appeal to the Most Holy Theotokos. During her lifetime, the Most Pure Virgin Mary experienced a lot of grief associated with the loss of loved ones. Therefore, her prayers always calm, but most importantly, such appeals are necessarily taken into account by the Lord when carrying out the Judgment.

Prayer for the repose of the soul of the newly deceased

Until 40 days, the prayer to the Most Holy Theotokos for the newly deceased sounds as follows:

Prayer for the newly deceased after 40 days

After 40 days, you need to pray for the repose of the deceased, turning to the Most Holy Theotokos, on special days, and also when an internal need arises for this. You don't have to visit for this. You can offer a prayer to the Most Pure Virgin Mary at home in front of her image.

The prayer goes like this:

What prayers are customary to read for the dead and why is it necessary?

According to the canons Orthodox faith, dead people, if prayers are offered for them for the repose of their souls, receive relief, and sometimes even liberation from God’s punishments beyond the grave for sins committed during earthly life. Saint John speaks about this in his “Life after Death.”

It sounds something like this:

Commemoration of the newly deceased must be carried out on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day. Wherein:

On the 3rd day after death funeral prayers read in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and the image of the Holy Trinity.
On the 9th day after death, prayers are performed in honor of the nine angelic ranks, who are servants of the King of Heaven and petition for pardon of the deceased.
On the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, the basis for prayer is the forty-day cry of the Israelis about the death of Moses.

After the 40th day, commemorations at the Liturgy are especially strong, which are performed by priests to remember the deceased, believers submit special notes. It should be understood that there is no specific set number of prayers that guarantee souls entering heaven. The living cannot know anything about God's Judgment. Therefore, every time possible case a note should be submitted in the church before the Liturgy.

In addition, memorial prayers are important for the living, since only with their help can the grief of separation from a deceased person be satisfied. During prayer requests, an understanding comes that Christianity does not connect life with the end of everything. It is a transitional stage that God destined for any person to go through. From the point of view of Christianity, death is a transition to another, more perfect level of life. The soul is immortal, therefore all living people need to see it off to another world not with tears, but with prayer for the repose of the soul. And after her fate is decided at God’s Judgment, it is necessary to support her by periodically reading prayers for her repose on certain days appointed by the Church. At this time, memorial services are read - public services.

For believers, it is far from a secret that the body is only physical matter. It is generally accepted that the soul is the person himself, and the rest is “clothes”. The body dies, but the soul lives forever. And so it is in almost all religions.

Once upon a time, scientists even conducted an experiment in which they found that after death a person becomes lighter by a certain number of grams. Then they decided that this is what the soul weighs.

For many years now people have been tormented by questions about the soul. About what happens to her “there”, further, after bodily death. There are many legends, myths and superstitions. And since the soul is something intangible, all assumptions about it will remain just assumptions.

The most common question that interests many people is how to let go of the soul of your loved one?! Let's first figure out what it means to “let go of the soul”?

What does it mean to “let go of a person’s soul”?

First of all, after the death of a loved one, you need to understand that he did not get into any trouble and nothing can be changed. It simply doesn't exist. Not in this world and in this space. The only thing that has changed is that he cannot say, do, hug, etc. Well, the soul is alive. One can only guess what is happening to her and where she is. For us humans, this still remains a mystery. You need to let go of a person’s soul within yourself. To understand that she is moving further into a world unknown to us.

How to “let go of a person’s soul.”

It is important to understand here that this happens more on a spiritual level. After all, physically we cannot touch the soul. Spiritually, we often “hold” others. We become attached to each other. Also spiritually, not physically. Man is designed in such a way that he always strives for union. He needs connections with other people. We are dependent on each other. And when loved ones “leave” us, whether in the literal sense or in the sense of death, we continue to “keep” them close in our hearts, souls and heads.

In order to allow the soul of a loved one to calmly “go” into another world, you need to work on yourself. We need to understand that the soul no longer needs our physical world and it will be better for it not to drown in our tears and suffering, but to move on, knowing that we are okay and that we will remember in a good way. All we can do to help the soul of a loved one during the transition to another world is to pray for him. Different religions have their own rules and canons that people who have lost a loved one must follow.

If we touch slightly on the mystical side, then for the first 40 days after the death of a person, his loved ones should cover all mirrors with thick fabric. It is generally accepted that the soul can get lost in the mirror world and not find the way.

How to “let go of the soul” of an unborn child.

Every person has a soul. And the child who was conceived and was in the womb also already had his own soul. This is the first thing that arises in a person. And if such a tragedy happened that the child did not see the world, this is a huge grief for parents, which not everyone can survive. If people are believers, then they know that the Lord takes the soul when He needs it and, unfortunately, we cannot influence this in any way. Such misfortunes do not just happen. Most likely this is a lesson for failed parents. Or God saved us from something even more terrible. You need to pray for the child in the same way. We need to say goodbye to him, giving him life “there” - in a more perfect world. And when the time comes, you will be given another chance to become parents!

It is also necessary to let go of the soul of an aborted child! It is very important here to ask for forgiveness to him if this choice was made by you intentionally.

Perhaps it will become a little easier if parents who have lost a child while still in the womb perform something like a ritual that they can come up with for themselves. If the pregnancy was short and the child does not have to be buried, then you can do it yourself. For example, bury some toy or something that reminds of this tragedy. Often women keep pregnancy tests. You can even bury it. Lay flowers, say goodbye. This is a more psychological technique in order to ease your state of mind at least a little.

How to “let go of the soul” of a dead husband or dead wife.

Very often, after the death of one of the spouses, the other begins to fall into a real, protracted depression, literally making a “crypt” or “altar” out of the house, where an incredible number of different photographs of the husband or wife hang. This makes it very difficult for the soul to “leave.” She rushes about and sees herself everywhere. She sees suffering and it is very difficult for her to leave. It will be enough to place one photo with a black ribbon and a candle next to it for 40 days. After which the candle can be taken to the grave and lit there. You can save the photo on your desk or wall, but one thing. Just for memory. And it’s best that this photo is associated with some a pleasant event. The main thing is that, looking at him, there is no deep mourning. If this occurs, it is better to remove the photo. After all, one can commemorate and remember without any “attributes” or auxiliary objects.

How to “let go of the soul” of a deceased loved one.

The most important thing is to love! Here the situations are very similar to the previous one, where we talked about spouses. You should also not make “altars” from photographs and gifts. If there are any memorable gifts or toys, then, of course, you can leave them and look at them. You can keep them and remember your loved one, but if this causes more pain, then it is better to take them to the grave, keeping one thing.

How the soul of the deceased is “released” on the 40th day.

On the 40th day after the death of a person, it is customary to visit the church and order a memorial service for the deceased. You can also order a liturgy. In the church they also light candles “for the repose”, while reading a prayer “for the repose of the soul.”

Day 40 is considered very important, just like day 9. On these days, the soul goes through the most difficult tests on the way to “ new world" Throughout the 40 days, relatives tirelessly pray for the deceased, helping his soul. Then it is customary to have a memorial meal, where loved ones gather around a large table, read a prayer at the beginning of the meal, remember and also read a prayer at the end of the meal. And in an amicable way, there should be either very little alcohol on the table or no alcohol at all.

For some nations and religions, it is customary to organize some kind of charity meal or help the homeless on the 40th day after the death of a loved one. Or simply do some kind deed for a beggar or homeless person.

Spiritual healer

Letting go of a person who has passed into another world

Forgiving or letting go of a deceased relative or friend is a very important component of our lives.

Letting go is necessary both for us who live on Earth and for them who have gone to other Worlds. This must be done, first of all, out of love for them and for yourself too. Now, I will try to explain clearly why this is important.

We all lose relatives and friends; their departure, especially if it was sudden, makes us despondent. The whole white world is becoming unkind. We experience a feeling of loss, suffering. We cry, we feel injustice towards ourselves and our family. We can, at this moment, even be angry with God. This cannot be done under any circumstances, because when we are angry with God, we are angry with ourselves, since we are a part of him. Of course, God loves us, and he will not be offended by our anger. But, on the contrary, he will send our Guardian Angels support, assistance, additional Divine energy to support us in passing this stage in life. Our suffering and tears destroy not only us, but also all the people who surround us. You need to remember this, having lost one relative and continuing to be in despondency, you unconsciously, at the energy level, attract illnesses, misfortunes for yourself and close relatives, increasing the abyss into which, with constant suffering, your entire Family line falls. And the most important thing is that you do not let the Soul of the deceased go to rest.

The soul is imprisoned between heaven and Earth, precisely imprisoned, as in a cage. And the first sign that a deceased relative is in captivity is if you constantly or often dream about him. Remember, it is difficult for them to be in captivity, let them go with love and gratitude that they were in your life. They, in fact, always remain with us, we just don’t see them visually, but energetically we feel them. Let go, thank them and wish them the kingdom of heaven. Now I will describe a small ritual that needs to be done in order to let go of a deceased person as quickly and easily as possible.

You need to travel through four Temples in one day. In every church it is obligatory to order a sorokoust for the repose of a deceased person and a sorokoust for your health. If there are no four Temples nearby in your area, you can come to the same church for 4 days in a row and perform this ritual. You may have a question, why go to the Church and not to the cemetery? My dears, I ask you, do not go to the cemetery often. In the cemetery there is the energy of death, grief and suffering of people. If you go there often, you will gain even more of this negative energy and begin to get sick yourself. You need to come to the cemetery only on days of remembrance of the dead, so-called parental Saturdays, or on the day of death of a person. On other days you cannot go to the cemetery! You can't talk to a dead person either. In this way, you constantly call him to you, to Earth.

He cannot do this, and you cannot go to him before the time allotted to you on Earth. This comes from our loss of connection with God, from our illiteracy. I, too, out of ignorance, unfortunately, went through this stage in life. For a year and a half I could not accept my mother’s death and let her go. Imagine my surprise when I performed this ritual. I came home after visiting four Temples - believe me, there was grace and peace in my Soul. I lay down to rest, and, half asleep, my mother’s face appeared to me in a purple glow and she told me - thank you, daughter, for letting me go. And from then on I never dreamed of her again. And I remember her departure without tears or regret. This is ours life path and we must know that in life everything is exchange, everything is movement. As in all of nature, a plant grows from a seed and bears fruit. Then it dies, and the fruit continues to grow and produce new fruits. In our life, birth is Spring, then growth is Summer, harvesting fruit is Autumn, and the dying of life is Winter. Take care of yourself and your loved ones, give them love, warmth and happiness during your lifetime. Don’t be sorry if you didn’t add something as you think. And believe me, life does not die, it simply fades away on the physical plane and continues on the energy plane.

How to let go of a deceased person and come to terms with his death?

November is a month of nostalgia and sadness. The world around us loses color and slowly goes to sleep. It is probably no coincidence that the beginning of November marks the religious and sacred days of remembrance of the dead and memories of people we knew, loved... and still love. However, at the same time, this is a reason to think about our attitude towards separation. After all, leaving this life is destined for everyone.

It cannot be avoided. In November, many of us are especially acutely aware of the idea that everyone will cross the threshold connecting this world with the next. It is worth thinking about how we think about death, how much this understanding and awareness supports us. If not, can we change it to a mindset that can generate more positive than negative feelings. Why do this even need to be done? Here's what experts - the so-called life coaches - say about this.

How to Let Someone Go: The Power of Healing Acceptance

Within modern science neurobiology, quantum physics and medicine in Lately a lot has been done interesting discoveries, which can be considered in the context positive psychology. Many of the already proven theories explain the processes that we trigger with our thoughts and feelings. We influence them both on ourselves and on everything around us. Therefore, it is worth being aware and attentive to what and how exactly we think.

Separation and loss are certainly among the situations that cause us the greatest pain. Sometimes it is so deep that it is difficult to describe it in any words. How to come to terms with the death of a loved one, how to let a person go from your thoughts and heart - no matter what psychologists advise, it seems that there can be no answer to these questions at all. Moreover, many do not look for it, because they plunge into grief, which has a high chance of turning into depression. And she makes people lose the desire to live and plunge into despair for a very long time.

It happens that after the death of a loved one, someone peace of mind never fully recovered again. Is this an expression of love? Or perhaps this state of affairs stems from fear and dependence on someone else's presence and proximity?

If we perceive life as it is and accept its conditions, the rules of the game (and death is one of them), then we must be ready to let go of the one we love. Love is our preference, not an addiction. And not “ownership”. If we love, then, of course, we feel sadness, regret and even despair after the final break with a loved one. Moreover, this does not necessarily concern his death, because people also ask the question of how to let a loved one go from their thoughts, from their souls in other, less tragic situations. But there is (at least there should be) something else in us - acceptance of the fact that this person is leaving our life and acceptance of all the negative feelings associated with this. That’s why they eventually pass, leaving a feeling of peace and gratitude for the fact that we once met and were together.

But if our life is dominated by a position based on control and generated by fear, then we cannot put up with death, we cannot let go of the loss. Yes, it seems like we are suffering - we cry and feel unhappy - but at the same time, paradoxically, we do not allow true feelings to come to us! We stand on their surface, afraid that they will swallow us. Then we do not give ourselves a chance for true experiences and can seek help in some kind of forced activity or medications, alcohol. And thus we contribute to prolonging the state of despair, leading it to the deepest depression. Therefore, you don’t need to run away from yourself, from your real feelings, or seek salvation from them - you need to accept their existence and allow yourself to experience them.

Think with love

According to physicist Dr. Ben Johnson, a person generates different frequencies of energy with his thoughts. We cannot see them, but we feel their pronounced influence on our well-being. It is known that positive and negative thoughts are fundamentally different. Positive, that is, associated with love, joy, gratitude, are highly charged with the energy of life and act very favorably on us. In turn, negative thoughts vibrate at low frequencies, which reduce our vitality.

In the course of research, it was found that the most creative, vital and healthy electromagnetic field generates thoughts associated with love, care and tenderness. So if you deepen your condition by drawing black scenarios like “I can’t cope,” “My life will now be lonely and hopeless,” “I will always be alone,” then you will significantly reduce your vitality.

Of course, when a person is tormented by the question of how to come to terms with the death of his loved ones, how to let go of a deceased person who is always in his thoughts, in his heart, in his soul, he somehow has no time to think about himself, about his well-being. However, there is a problem. After some time, it suddenly becomes clear that life, which has stopped for a suffering person, for some reason does not want to stop in external manifestations. In other words, a person still has to go to work and do something there, earn money for a living, feed his children and take them to school... For a while, he will be lenient, but this cannot last too long. And if a person is absolutely indifferent to his well-being, then a moment may come when he will not be able to do something that no one can help him with. Even an ordinary everyday problem can be an overwhelming task for him. He will understand that he needs to pull himself together, but his failing health will turn out to be a very big obstacle on this path.

No one calls for driving away thoughts of loss, but when the stage of acute grief is experienced, it’s time to change the emphasis in these thoughts.

Thinking about those who passed away, lovingly, remembering happy moments, a person strengthens himself, and in some cases simply saves himself.

How to say goodbye to your loved one? How to let him go and not interfere with your affection?

Here is an exercise related to the practice of so-called integrated presence. It is believed that it makes a person closer to himself and his feelings.

When you acutely feel sadness and despair, fear, confusion, a sense of loss, sit down, close your eyes and begin to breathe deeply.
Feel the air filling your lungs. Don't take long breaks between inhalations and exhalations. Try to breathe smoothly.
Try to breathe your feelings - as if they were hanging in the air. If you feel sadness, imagine that you are taking it into your lungs, that it is fully present in you.
Then look for the place in your body where you feel your emotions most acutely. Keep breathing.

The senses that you give space to become integrated. Then sadness will turn into gratitude for the fact that you had the opportunity to be and live with a loved one. You will be able to remember his character, actions and general experiences with a smile and genuine, authentic joy. Repeat this exercise as often as possible and you will suddenly feel stronger. Sadness will turn into peace, and the question of how to let go of your loved one in such a way as to give him and yourself peace, how to find the strength to come to terms with his departure, will no longer be so pressing.

Astrologers say: Scorpio is the king of death

The Scorpio archetype brings us closer to this topic, leading us through all the deaths that a person experiences while in the body. Scorpio loves to kill in a broad sense - to help ensure that the old, already outdated, goes away, giving way to the new. What must die? According to Scorpios, these are mostly “rotten” compromises, including with ourselves, when we deny our true feelings and desires. Scorpio teaches you to clearly say “yes” or “no” in order to live truly, fully.

The Phoenix is reborn only from the ashes. What happens to him before his wings open again? He purifies himself in the fire of suffering. Life, according to Scorpio, is purgatory. We will not be able to taste bright pleasures, we will not ascend to the heights of bliss, until we know what pain tastes like. Thanks to her, looking into her eyes, we start all over again. Associated with Scorpios is a snake, a symbol of transformation, as well as an eagle soaring high in the sky - already changed, already healthier, with more earthly feelings...

How to let go of a loved one who has died, how to come to terms with his death.

The death of a loved one is always a great grief. It is impossible to accept the fact of a terrible loss without experiencing this state and suffering to the fullest. This may be a feeling of meaninglessness of existence, emptiness, melancholy, as well as a feeling of anger and even shame (for example, about the way a loved one left). But most often, there is a feeling of guilt: “Why didn’t I..., because then this wouldn’t have happened.” There are many variations possible here.

Very often we undeservedly offend those we love most. We can say too much in our hearts, offend with a word, or with inattention. And then we remember all this and blame ourselves for not properly appreciating the person when he was still alive.

You cannot protect yourself from grief if you try (artificially) to forget everything. We must remember that “unprocessed” grief, even years later, can manifest itself as severe depression, which will lead to serious health problems. Experiencing grief is a rather long process. In general, it lasts from 6 to 12 months. The meaning of the work of “sadness” is to tear your psychic energy away from a loved one lost forever. There are four known stages of “grieving”:

Up to 9 days – shock and numbness.

Up to 40 days – denial.

Up to six months – experiencing pain, accepting loss.

Up to a year – pain relief. It seems that at this time a person is already able to manage his grief. But the gentle repetition of all these stages continues throughout the second year. At this time, another (last) surge of guilt is possible. Typically, “grieving” is completely completed by the end of the second year. This does not mean that it is considered normal to no longer remember or be sad about the deceased person. It’s just that now we have learned to live without him, but we keep a bright and kind memory of him.

All these stages of “grieving” are quite conventional. Some people, due to their personality, will be able to cope with this faster, others much more slowly. But, if the “grieving” and the inability to live without the deceased person has been prolonged, then in this case you should definitely contact a specialist. It's hard to give any general recommendations, each case must be considered separately. A specialist will help you first cope with your feelings and realize quite important things. Then, it will help you change so much that even a severe loss cannot be the reason that you decide to derail YOUR life.

Look around at how many LIVING people around you need your attention and help. They are alive, just like yours once close person, experience feelings of joy, sadness, pain, melancholy (from loneliness and hopelessness), etc. The main thing is that you can still help them, surround them with care and attention, so as not to reproach and blame yourself later when it’s too late .

Try meditation on love. After all, the bonds of love are never destroyed, but only move to other levels. Close your eyes, think about some person dear to your heart (not dead or near death), with whom you cannot always be together. This could be a person you haven't seen for a long time. Try to understand how do you think about him? Where can you mentally picture this person? What do you hear? Do you see a clear picture? Is it far away?

Next, think about someone (living) or something from your past who or what you feel is always nearby (even if it is not), for example, your close friend or your favorite childhood toy. Now notice how you mentally see and hear this person or this object, so that it is as if it is constantly with you. Next, take the memories of that dear person with whom you cannot be close, and try to change the quality of these memories so that they match the quality of the memories of the object or person that you always feel close to you. To do this, you may need to bring this image closer or, instead of seeing it to the left or behind, you will need to place it in your heart. Or maybe it’s about a certain quality of tempo, tone or depth of the voice, or the quality of color and brightness, thanks to which it seems more real and closer to you. Allow the memory of this person to find its place in your consciousness, in your values and beliefs. Think for a moment about great feeling love, love without measure and without boundaries. Pay your attention to where this love comes from: somewhere from the depths, from the heart, or it occupies absolutely all the space around you. Try to see this love as the purest shining light. Let it become even brighter and shine both within you and around you. Next take this bright light and turn it into a silver sparkling thread. Stretch it from your heart to the heart of someone close and dear to you. You need to realize that this thread can connect your hearts, no matter how far you are from each other. This thread never breaks, the light in it never goes out, it can be stretched to any number of people. Now feel this thread running through you. Next, the light of this thread will begin to expand and shine and gradually fill the entire surrounding space with its light. Remember that this light can fill the entire Universe. Along these threads, the love of the people to whom you extended it comes to you (these threads can be extended to everyone who is dear to you and whom you meet in your life), and in due time they also give you their love. Thanks to this, you are filled with the light of love and you have something to give to other people. Make sure you feel this bright love for yourself, listen to how your heart beats. Feel with every cell of your body that you are a perfect being, a perfect person, you are capable of being an independent person, an individual. Feel your originality and irresistibility. You cannot allow yourself to become isolated in your grief. After all, you are in a “connection” with other people who give you their love and need your love. You can give them a lot if you don’t lose that much. This should under no circumstances be allowed, because by doing so you can disrupt the harmony of love. After all, these people will continue to give you their love, but you will not. Don’t break these bright threads and soon you will feel that you will begin to acquire more and more new ones. Life goes on!

Now, as your eyes open, bring the extraordinary personality (yourself) completely into this real world, and let there be a constant exchange of a bright feeling of love between you and other people along invisible threads. Breathe, live, accept love and give your love!

Well, in conclusion, I’ll give you a few spells.

The following plot will help ease your pain:

In the morning or evening dawn, you need to wash yourself with the backs of your hands (you can near a river, stream, lake, but you can also under a tap), saying the following spell:

Wash away the sadness
(wash your face and read on)
Spring water, queen water,
Take it from me, from the servant of God (name),
Wash away my sadness and sadness into the blue sea.”

Melancholy can be brought out into the sunset. Stand with your left shoulder towards the lightning and say:

“How are you, evening dawn,
You don't grieve at the dawn of the morning,
You don’t yearn for the sun and the moon,
So (so-and-so) wouldn’t be sad,
I didn’t grieve for a slave (such and such).
Be, all my words, strong, molded, unchanging.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen".

Here is another conspiracy to prevent constant thoughts about a deceased person:

You need to go out into the field and, without looking, collect any grass around you. You need to put it in your bosom and where it will be hidden from prying eyes. You should pick the grass and say:

“No one sowed you, grass, God gave you, the wind scattered you. So the wind would take my melancholy, take it away and scatter it across the free field. As for you, grass, not a single soul hurts, no one’s heart aches, does not ache, so that I, God’s servant (name), for God’s servant (name) do not suffer, do not cry, do not sob with everyone forget about God's day. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen".

Then you need to throw this grass near your home and your soul should soon calm down.

Death is “inscribed” in our lives. And with it comes pain. Is it possible to somehow help yourself when it doesn’t go away, developing into despair and depression? How to let go of a person who has gone to another world, how to come to terms with the death of a loved one - a spouse, mother, father, child?... This list of losses can be quite large, because in everyone’s life there are living creatures whose departure becomes a real tragedy...

It cannot be avoided. In November, many of us are especially acutely aware of the idea that everyone will cross the threshold connecting this world with the next. It is worth thinking about how we think about death, how much this understanding and awareness supports us. If not, can we change it to a mindset that can create more positive than negative feelings?.. Why do this even need to be done? Here's what experts - so-called life coaches - say about this.

How to Let Someone Go: The Power of Healing Acceptance

Within the framework of the modern science of neurobiology, quantum physics and medicine, many interesting discoveries have recently been made that can be considered in the context of positive psychology. Many of the already proven theories explain the processes that we trigger with our thoughts and feelings. We influence them both on ourselves and on everything around us. Therefore, it is worth being aware and attentive to what and how exactly we think.

According to scientists, neurotransmitters, hormones and neuropeptides “transport” negative thoughts throughout the body, especially into the cells of the immune system. When we react to severe stress, emotional pain When we are controlled by complex feelings, we end up caught in the web of illness. Therefore, any suffering we experience in difficult times life situations, can harm us for a long time or even forever. And, therefore, is a signal for a change in beliefs.

It happens that after the death of a loved one, someone’s mental balance is never fully restored. Is this an expression of love? Or perhaps this state of affairs stems from fear and dependence on someone else's presence and proximity?

Think with love

No one calls for driving away thoughts of loss, but when the stage of acute grief is experienced, it’s time to change the emphasis in these thoughts.

Thinking about those who passed away, lovingly, remembering happy moments, a person strengthens himself, and in some cases simply saves himself.

How to say goodbye to your loved one? How to let him go and not interfere with your affection?

Psychologists advise: if you have suffered a bereavement, accept the feelings and emotions that accompany it. Do not run away from them into some kind of imitation of activity, which should help you forget, become a little more insensitive.

Here is an exercise related to the practice of so-called integrated presence. It is believed that it makes a person closer to himself and his feelings.

When you acutely feel sadness and despair, fear, confusion, a sense of loss, sit down, close your eyes and begin to breathe deeply.
Feel the air filling your lungs. Don't take long breaks between inhalations and exhalations. Try to breathe smoothly.
Try to breathe your feelings - as if they were hanging in the air. If you feel sadness, imagine that you are taking it into your lungs, that it is fully present in you.
Then look for the place in your body where you feel your emotions most acutely. Keep breathing.

Astrologers say: Scorpio is the king of death

Of all the signs of the Zodiac, the theme of farewell, death, and remembrance is closest to Scorpio. He rules the VIII astrological house, the house of death, understood primarily as transformation.

Talk about how to let go of a departed person, how not to keep his soul tied to yours negative thoughts and grief, it is very difficult in simple, “everyday” words. The phenomenon itself is too difficult to comprehend and accept. Nevertheless, every person who is forced to embark on such a dramatic path must understand that he is obliged to go through it - not only for himself, but also for the sake of the love that he will always keep in his heart...

When a person loses a loved one, it is natural that he suffers. Suffering for many reasons. This is also grief for that person, beloved, close, dear, with whom he parted. It happens that self-pity strangles someone who has lost support in a person who has passed away. This may be a feeling of guilt due to the fact that a person cannot give him what he would like to give or owes, because he did not consider it necessary to do good and love in his time.

Problems arise when we do not let go of a person. From our point of view, death is unjust, and very often many people even reproach God: “How unfair are you, why did you take it away from me?” But in fact, God calls a person to himself precisely at the moment when he is ready to move on to eternal life. It often happens that a person does not want to let go of a loved one, does not want to put up with the fact that he is no longer there, that he cannot be returned. But death must be accepted as a given, as a fact. It can't be returned, that's all. And the person begins to return back to him, you know? These are things that are out of the ordinary, but they don’t happen that rarely. Completely unconsciously, a person begins to grieve, and he wants to, as it were, replace it. The desire for death is so strong in us. We need to reach out to life, but we, oddly enough, reach out to death. When we cling to a person who has died, we want to be with him. But we still have to live here, we have tasks. We can only help him here, you know?

It is more difficult for an unbeliever to let go of the deceased, because he may not even realize that it is so difficult for him to part with this loved one due to the fact that he cannot even give him to God. And a believer is accustomed to placing everything on the will of God, because meetings and partings accompany a person throughout his life.

There is a story in the Bible that has an amazing therapeutic effect on people facing stress and death. We are talking about several life fragments of one deeply religious man named Job. Every time, having lost something very important, and there were many significant losses, he repeated: “God gave, God took away.” As a result, God, seeing his strong faith, returns everything in full. This parable is about how, overcoming longing for the departed, we become persistent and strong. A person, in fact, learns to part ways from his very birth. He learns to be with others, identifying himself with society. But at the same time, every time there is a process of disidentification, that is, disconnection, separation. Small man learns to part with his property while still in the sandbox: “My shovel, my basket.” They take it away - he cries, it is very difficult for him to part with what is his. But in reality, there is nothing of ours in the world, you understand? After all, what does “mine” mean? It’s mine, it’s only mine to some extent. At every moment of our lives we must be ready to part with everything that we consider ours. From the point of view of psychology, this is such a phenomenon of human mental life, the acquisition of skills for loss.

There are people who withdraw into themselves and focus on this loss. They seem to intensify these feelings within themselves, and cannot stop the flow of suffering emotions. Since childhood, we get used to parting with grief. Someone gets hung up on this: “This is mine, and that’s it!” So great is the attractive power of this egoistic feeling. And a more mature person knows how to part without pain, without such anguish.

- It turns out that a mature person perceives death more calmly?

He calmly transfers the deceased into the hands of the One who has the greater right to him. Why? Because maturity is determined by the strength of spirit with which we perceive everything difficult circumstances life. Whatever happens, we must perceive everything indifferently, indifferently. So St. Rev. Seraphim of Sarov spoke. It is necessary that the soul treats everything equally, or, as it were, equally, both sorrows and joys. There is such absolute calm in everything, and in fact it is very difficult.

The perception of loss and grief of a spiritual and spiritual person is distinguished by the fact that spirituality is associated with strain, emotional fracture, passion, and sensuality. On the contrary, the spiritual attitude is equal, it contains helping, quiet love. I remember how my mother died. This was a completely unexpected event. We said goodbye to her, she was leaving for another city, and the next day they called me that she arrived, went to bed and died. She was only 63 years old, I was seeing off a healthy person. It was a shock for me. Because I lost a loved one completely unexpectedly. But she died in a Christian way, calmly, the way everyone dreams of dying. I have heard more than once: “I wish I could lie down and die.” So she arrived, lay down in her bed and died. And when I came to church, I met my priest - he also knew my mother - I told him, and he said to me: “You, most importantly, perceive this death spiritually.”

I was just becoming a church member at that time, and for me these issues of life and death were, so to speak, unclear. Then I had not yet buried anyone close to me. I kept thinking, what does it mean to perceive spiritually? From the literature that deals with the topic of attitude towards death, I realized that to have a spiritual attitude means not to grieve.

If you couldn't give something to this person, you feel guilty. Often people become fixated and suffer from the fact that they did not give something to their loved one. There is something left that begins to worry them. “Why didn’t I add it? Why didn't you do it? After all, I could,” and with this they go into other circles of perception, they go into depression.

In this case, the person begins to feel guilty. And the feeling of guilt should not be masochistic, it should be constructive. The constructive approach is as follows: “I caught myself thinking that I was stuck on feelings of guilt. We need to solve this problem spiritually.” Spiritually, this means you need to go to confession and admit to God your sin against this person. You need to say: “It’s my fault that I didn’t give him this and that.” If we repent of this, then the person feels it.

For example, I would have approached my mother when she was alive and said: “Mom, forgive me, I didn’t give you this and that.” I don't think my mother won't forgive me. In the same way, I can solve this issue, even if this person is not next to me. After all, with God there are no dead, with God everyone is alive. In the Sacrament of Confession, liberation occurs.

- Why go to church if you can tell God everything at home? God hears everything anyway.

For an unbeliever, you can start at least with this, you need to admit your guilt. In psychological practice, the following methods are used: a letter to a loved one. That is, you need to write a letter saying that I was wrong, that I didn’t pay enough attention, that I didn’t love you, that I didn’t give you something. We can start with this.

By the way, very often people come to church for the first time precisely in connection with this circumstance, the death of someone. The first time a person can come to church is for a funeral. And many of them may already know that a spiritual tribute is to put some food on the canon, light a candle and pray for this person. Prayer is the connection between us and the departed person.

One of the synonyms for the word “cemetery” is “pogost”. “Pogost” comes from the word to stay, because we come here to stay. We stayed a little, and then went back to our homeland, because our homeland is there.

Everything is upside down in our heads. We are confused about where our home is. But our home is there, next to God. And we just came here to stay. Probably, the person who does not want to leave the deceased does not realize that this person has already fulfilled some purpose here.

Why don't we let our loved ones go? Because very often we are attached to the physical. If we talk about my feelings, I missed my mother: I really wanted to cuddle, touch this soft, dear person, that’s exactly what I missed having her next to me, I lacked physical closeness. But we know that this person continues to live, because the human soul is immortal.

When my mother died, I decided for myself the issue of spiritual perception of this event, and I managed to quickly recover. I admitted that I didn't do something. I repented and tried to really do what I had not done to my mother. I took it and did it to another person. Reading the Psalter also helps, magpies, because communication with a loved one, even if he is not around, does not stop.

Another thing is that you can’t go into dialogue. It sometimes happens that people even become mentally ill, and they begin to consult with the deceased. At some difficult moment, you can ask: “Mom, please help me.” But this is when it’s very difficult, and it’s better not to bother, still, pray, pray for your loved ones. When we do something for them, then we help them. Therefore, we need to do everything possible that is within our power.

When I solved this problem for myself, and I managed to quickly recover, then one day I come to my friend’s grandmother. And her mother also visited her a couple of times. About forty days after my mother’s death, maybe a little more, I come to visit this grandmother, and she begins to calm me down, console me. She probably thought that I was grieving, that I was very worried, and I told her: “You know, this doesn’t bother me anymore. I know that mom is happy there, and the only thing I miss is that she is not physically next to me, but I know that she is always next to me.” And suddenly, I see, on her table there was some kind of vase, like all grandmothers, with some flowers and something else, and I, completely mechanically, pulled out a piece of paper from there. I pull it out, and there is a prayer written in my mother’s handwriting. I say: “We saw it! She is always next to me. Even now she is next to me.” My friend was very surprised. That’s the connection we have, you know?

We must let go, because when we don’t let them go, it’s painful for them, they also suffer. Because we are connected, just like here on earth, when we don’t give a person freedom, we pull him, we begin to control him, we call: “Where are you? Or maybe it's there? Or maybe you feel bad? Or maybe you feel too good?” Our relationships with deceased loved ones are built on the same principle.

- It turns out that in forty days you recovered from the crisis, that is, forty days is a kind of acceptable period. What deadlines will be unacceptable?

If a person grieves for a year and it drags on further, then of course this is unacceptable. For a maximum of six months, a year, you can get sick, so to speak, but more is already a symptom of the disease. This means the person became depressed.

- What if he simply cannot get out of this state?

It doesn’t help, which means it’s time to confess another mistake. Why is despondency one of the seven deadly sins? It is impossible to be sad or despondent, this is cowardice, this is a spiritual illness. Faith is the most powerful and reliable medicine.

- Is there any psychological method motivate yourself to take the first step? After all, some people just think like this: “I have been grieving for him for so long, and thus I remain faithful to him.” How to overcome this?

You definitely need to do something for the deceased. First of all, pray for him and submit notes to the temple. And then - more, strength will appear again. The path out of depression is necessarily connected with some actions, at least a little, little by little. You can just at least say: “How I love him, Lord! Help him, Lord!” - All. “I suffer for him, I worry about him. Now he has gone into nowhere, but I know that he is not alone there, that he is with You.” You need to at least say something, do something for the sake of this person, but not be inactive.