Missing honey- if there is, then it is not immediately! Winnie Pooh At first glance, this is not enough for ghosts category. Once the place of stay is unknown, the ghost is not tied to anything and can not appear. And if it still appears, then the person can not be considered

Life can be difficult, very difficult, of course, events can suppress people. This fact is impossible to deny. Circumstances related to health, work, money, hostility of people, misunderstanding and many others, every day makes life life, and even just

Find yourself ... To know yourself ... remember yourself ... Many people left all my life, and the conscious self-knowledge often began only when it was already that it was. It was in the past. In the black and white dual world ... Recall and start first. Since birth. Since childhood. Initi

Actively transforming any difficult situation, a person varies significantly, but these changes are usually unintended and unconscious. However, sometimes people turn out to be in such situations when only a conscious change in their characteristics can lead to well-being. Overcoming is actions focused on achieving success, to change the practical difficult situation. They are associated with effort and considerable energy; Says a high level of self-regulation, search for information, intense meditation, involvement in the orbit of other people.

What techniques behavior are most often used in difficult situations? They can be combined by strategies to transform difficult life situations: protection, consolation (overcoming and adaptation) and experience.

Protection techniques are most often included in a special group of non-adaptive reactions to difficulties: non-commodity humility, depression, depression, as well as avoiding difficult situations, suppressing thoughts on the source of difficulties.

Overcoming is actions focused on achieving success, to change the practical difficult situation. They are associated with effort and considerable energy; Says a high level of self-regulation, search for information, intense meditation, involvement in the orbit of other people.

Actively transforming any difficult situation, a person varies significantly, but these changes are usually unintended and unconscious. However, sometimes people turn out to be in such situations when only a conscious change in their characteristics can lead to well-being. In this case, the change in its own characteristics and relationships to the situation becomes the main strategy or is part of the part in other strategies.

1. Receptions of fixtures

• Adaptation to institutional aspects of the situation (social standards, public installations, rules of business relations, etc.). Mastering this technique, a person easily enters the world of law, morality, culture, labor, family relationships. In ordinary social conditions, this technique is a prerequisite for success. For example, it helps when adapting to new working conditions or in the case when the newlyweds are forced to live with their parents, etc. However, the technique has its own limitations: it often does not work in a situation of social shocks when the lifestyle changes dramatically (old rules No longer valid, and new ones have not yet been).
• The adaptation to the originality and needs of other people can be of great importance in the situation of social shocks. Studies have shown that this technique is most often used in crisis periods of society. It is no coincidence that this technique uses those who survived the World War II and post-war times. It is close to it another technique of adaptation - care for establishing and maintaining social contacts.
• Take on the role and behave in accordance with it. This technique is used in such situations when their own personal properties become a source of difficulties and painful experiences (for example, shyness or uncertainty in themselves, not allowing successfully adapting to new working conditions, seek help, etc.). At the heart of this reception lies conscious use of the identification mechanism. The person finds a model for imitation (this may be a familiar with this missing quality, a film character or book, personifying confidence) and in a difficult situation assumes the role of this character: it starts to move differently, to speak differently and even feel different . Since he does not fully identify himself with the chosen role, but only "plays it", then all his missions and awkwardness belongs not to itself, but to the chosen character. It helps not feel embarrassed, not to reduce self-esteem and be more free from the opinions of others. Studies have shown that with a successful choice of role, its execution helps to cope with the difficult situation of communication, it causes notable changes not only in behavior, but also in personal installations and values \u200b\u200b(F. Zimbardo, Ya. Moreno, etc.). At the same time, flexibility is acquired, and the role is not mastered by a person, but a person - a role, using a role as a tool, as a means for restructuring its behavior in various situations.
• A common form of adaptive behavior often acts as identification with more successful people or identification (identification) with powerful organizations and associations. People who suffered failures and disappointment are resorted to such a reception, the reason for which they can see in the absence of the quality of "luckyness". Identifying with successful people, they seem to complement themselves by special abilities, and becoming the functions of a reputable organization, not only get the right to feel their belonging to her and talk about "our successes", but in fact begin to feel strong and act more confidently successfully.
• Determining the boundaries of its capabilities - this technique is usually used with a sharp change in life circumstances. It is most brightly manifested in those who have become disabled. Such people are forced to drastically change the lifestyle. At first they "determine the boundaries of their capabilities": as a person entering the river in an unfamiliar place, or a man going on the swamp; Protect the measure of preserved abilities and try to compensate for lost. Note that almost all people who climbed in new or more complicated circumstances are resorted to the same tactics.
• Anticypping (from lat. Anticipate - anticipation, prediction of events, pre-composed presentation) Consolidation and anticipating sadness - this is a technique that people who have experience in failures or waiting for the inevitable occurrence of a difficult situation (for example, the death of a patient relative, their own serious operation, etc. .). This technique has adaptive importance: it allows people to psychologically prepare for possible difficult tests and in advance to outline ways to prevent unhappy turns of fate. Like any other way of consolation with difficulties, the anticycling consolation can be both productive and unproductive - depending on the characteristics of the life situation.

An example of the productive use of an anticycing consumption is widely used in a number of foreign clinics, the experience of preparing children for the upcoming operation. Nurses under the guidance of a psychologist are organized by special role-playing games, where the entire situation of operation is simulated (from preoperative preparation to the return of small patients in the ward, final recovery and discovery home). Such prior psychological preparation reduces the preoperative alarm of children and significantly speed up their recovery (Ross D., Nisbett R., 1999).

A vivid example of an unequivocally unproductive anticycling consolation is the "symptom of Saint Lazar", which psychologists have discovered when working with some families of HIV-infected. It is that family members begin to treat the diseased so, as if he was already dead and melted (up to the fact that they avoid communicating with the patient, openly prepare for the funeral, collecting money for the commemoration of still living, refuse to pay for teeth treatment, etc. P.)

2. Auxiliary methods of self-storage situations of difficulties and misfortunes

These techniques include the techniques of combating emotional disorders caused by non-resumes, from the point of view of the subject, negative events.

These are the care or escape from a difficult situation that can be carried out not only in practical, but also in a purely psychological form - by internal alienation from the situation or suppressing thoughts about it (refusal of increasing services, from tempting proposals, avoiding all dubious situations is often becoming People who survived a lot of disappointments and failures, personal feature). Such people themselves determine their way of behavior as the "last line of protection."

The dedicated methods of self-preservation include denial - refusal to accept what a stunning, traumatic event occurred. M. Horowitz considers negation as a psychological barrier on the path of the destructive penetration of the traumatic event into the inner world of man, in its value-semantic conceptual system. The denial allows a person to recycle tragic situations with small doses, gradually assimilated semantic personality. After the assimilation of the catastrophic event, the consciousness of a person is changing, his relationship to the world, a new assessment of life and its own capabilities appear, the space of a personal future in his consciousness increases.

Transformation and adaptation techniques can be both typical of humans and situational-specific; As the main and auxiliary. The following techniques are called situational and specific: "to use a chance", "resist", "identify with the goals and fate of other people," "hope", "to correct your expectations", "rely on other people "," Consolidate "," show aggression in the form of action or criticism "," suffer satisfaction of their needs "and others.

3. Techniques used in case of failure

Speaking of situational and specific techniques, consider those of them that a person applies in cases where, despite all his efforts, he cannot change the life situation for the better: the problem remains unresolved and the person is forced to admit that he failed. After all, if a person set a difficult task, designed her decision as part of the future life, was filled with confidence in her decision and for consistent with her mobilized huge forces, the defeat is experiencing as a collapse of the person. If a person has not experienced major failures before that, he did not get into a distressed position, he is extremely vulnerable. His consciousness resists reality.

In such a situation, a person seeks at any cost to maintain or restore a positive attitude towards himself, a sense of personal well-being. The most commonly applied techniques, depreciating failures, which are based on the effect of psychological protection mechanisms. They do not require a person painful restructuring attitudes towards themselves and allow us to reduce the severity of emotional experiences. Among these techniques, we note the following.

• Depreciation of the object. A person reduces the importance for himself what she was striving for, but could not reach (admission to the university, the entry of marry, the completion of the dissertation, etc.). Thus, he devalues \u200b\u200bhis failure ("This is not the most important thing in life," "I need it?") And I try to enter the sad situation in the history of your life as a minor biographical episode.
• Correction of their expectations and hopes. Since failure is an event painful for a person, forcing the value of which all forces were mobilized, a person can resort to the correction of expectations and hopes. Often it acquires the form of minimizing needs. Undoubtedly, such a reception saves from failures, but he depletes the future of the person and does not raise her self-esteem.
• Acceptance of the situation - accepting it as it is. In practical psychology, this technique is sometimes called "patience" or consume the phrase "release the situation" (the meaning of this expression is to stop unsuccessful overcoming actions to change the situation). This is not a passive response to difficult circumstances, but a conscious decision that a person takes after analyzing his life situation and comparing his position with the situation of people in an even more distinguished position. This technique is quite appropriate for a situation of severe illness or disability limiting human capabilities.
• Positive interpretation of your situation. This technique is similar to the previous one. It is that a person uses various comparison options: compares himself with those who are in an even more unenviable position ("coming down a down"), or recalls its successes in other areas and situations about this form: "Yes, I did not achieve this, but ... "(" Comparison "). Many in memory have such protective phrases of one of the not too successful heroines of the popular film E. Ryazanov "Service Roman": "I live in the city, but next to the train", "My husband had an ulcer of the stomach, but the Vishnevsky himself did the operation " etc.

There are opinions that adaptation to circumstances indicates the inability to master their lives, about the passive strategy. However, in real life, everything is not so unambiguous: sometimes the temporary device acts as a wise, taking into account the objective features of the situation and the life prospects of the experience of the experience difficult for humans.

The simplest example of this is the situation of entering a new team: a person is intelligent refused to certain forms of behavior and self-affirmation in order to get a job in a prestigious company and be adopted in the new team.

A more complex option is an adaptive submissive behavior in the name of freedom in the future. "In difficult times, people proceed to the exercise of long-term programs for the struggle for individual freedom, they are aware that in order to acquire freedom, it is necessary to be prepared to a lot: to obey the will of the leader or autocratic authority, to fulfill its decisions and decisions. It does not have any resistance. The submissive behavior is a kind of maneuver, allowing to achieve in the future of emancipation purposes. "

Leave for every person the right to independently choose from its repertoire those strategies and techniques that will help him cope with life difficulties. Not everything in his life, he can change. At best, a person can, soberly meaning the situation, direct his efforts to correct what is amenable to change, and find ways to coexist with the fact that it is impossible to change.

If you faced the behavior of a person who, at first glance, it seems inadequate, do not hurry with conclusions. Carefully consider and analyze the features of his life situation. This will help you the following questions.

• What are the objective features of the situation in which a person shows inadequate behavior? Perhaps his inadequate behavior - "Normal response to an abnormal situation"?
• How does a person self interprets the life situation in which it turned out to be?
• What is the wider context "inscribed" this situation? Who else participated in it? What are the relationship between participants? What events occurred in a person's life shortly before this situation? How important is this situation for humans? and etc.
• Word preliminary hypotheses about the human life situation. If you are faced with the fact that a person does not respond to powerful influences of life, think about: perhaps that information about him and its situation you have, erroneous or incomplete. Or you are inadequately assessing its situation and there is a discrepancy between your vision of the situation and how does a person sees it.
• In such difficult cases, be sure to try to understand the features of the image of the human world. Especially difficult to provide psychological assistance two extreme options - the infantile image of the world (it is sometimes called the "personal concept of a prosperous world") and an ultra-resistant, rigid image of the world. In both cases, people seek at any cost to preserve positive ideas about themselves and are often similar to ostrich, which in the situation of danger hides their heads in the sand. They ignore adverse information, try to discredit the source of information that reduces self-esteem, while resorting to various forms of self-deception.
• Be sure to create a sense of owning a situation in a person - especially those of those people who need help. Suggest your help so that their sense of their own efficiency and self-esteem is not reduced, but on the contrary, gave them to the belief that they will be able to cope with life adversities, and the courage to take responsibility for their own destiny.
• Be especially careful in cases where people cannot (even if you realize the need to do this) change the old habits. It is useless to accuse people in cosupiness, stupidity or low-lying motivations. Instead, it is worth a deeper to analyze the dynamics of the external and internal forces that hold a person from changes.

To intently understand the peculiarities of human behavior in the situation and the possibility of transforming the situation, we must consider:

• those "secret functions" and "psychological benefits" (real or imaginary), which performs the usual way to human behavior;
• those invisible forces that prevent changes (this may be, for example, group standards in its working or family environment; fear of failure, etc. formed in past periods);
• think about the factors that can be used to create the conditions for productive changes.

OCYXOVA, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Associate Professor of the Department of Psychology of Development of the MOCKOVSKY PEADAGOGICAL STATE UNIVERSITY (MPGU), a practitioner psychologist.