In the modern world, remaining open and honest with others can be imprudent and even dangerous, so people very often resort to lies. For those who are forced to tell a lie, it is important to know how to behave so that the deception goes unnoticed.

Just remember how many times you yourself had to lie or withhold information at work, at home, with friends. Sometimes we have to use lies in order not to hurt a person’s feelings, to achieve this or that position, or to protect our loved one from stress. The motives that prompted us to deceive others may be different, but the result is the same.

A lie, outright or evasive, expressed or not, always remains a lie.
Charles Dickens

When do we tell white lies?

When the teacher asks the child why he did not show up to school, he answers in a serious tone that he had a fever. Around then, each of us begins to tell lies, so as not to be punished by the teacher.

Then this happens so that your parents don’t worry, your loved one doesn’t cause a scandal, your friend doesn’t harbor a grudge against you. Sometimes it is very difficult to stop lying and start living according to your conscience.

How often do we resort to white lies?

Statistics show that only 6% of people tell the truth, 8% lie constantly, 26% of people lie every day, 28% lie a couple of times a year, and 32% several times a month.

There are many situations when it is impossible to do without lying. As a rule, people tell white lies:

  • At the moment when you need to cheer up a person during illness. This is a necessary procedure for a person to continue to resist and fight for his health.
  • When communicating with children. In order not to traumatize the child’s psyche, it is sometimes better to hide something.
  • You don't want your family to be upset or disappointed in you. Sometimes it's better not to talk about all the problems.
  • When you don’t want to start a conflict with your loved ones, because the truth is not always pleasant and can lead to a quarrel.
  • When communicating via the Internet, do not tell the whole truth to maintain your safety.
  • If a person wants to cheer someone up. Such lies are harmless.
  • By supporting your loved ones, you can show your solidarity so as not to spoil your relationship with them.

A white lie remains an evil.
But it happens that the truth brings more troubles than the worst lies.
Karina Pyankova (Rights and Responsibilities. Ealius the Dragon Slayer)

White lies: arguments FOR and AGAINST

Each of us communicates with the people around us: at work, at home, among friends, moms on the playground, in the store...

At the same time, we are constantly faced with questions of trust and deception, lies and truth, friendship and mistrust. Often we see outright and blatant lies that are invented on purpose.

But even here, not everything is so simple. Sometimes they resort to lying in order to avoid trouble, so as not to injure their family and friends, and so on.

Distorting the truth, hiding certain events and actions, presenting oneself in the best light is the norm these days. Adults often scold children “for lying,” and they themselves often dissemble and embellish. So this is completely normal? This is confirmed by experts. In our age, it is unrealistic to fit into society without the ability to hide a lot and “present” yourself in the best light.

Lies, or rather the suppression of certain facts and concealment of the truth, are constantly present in our lives. There are no squeaky clean people, just as there are no “total liars.”

White lies: reasons + examples

1. Fear

Many actions are a consequence of this all-consuming and practically uncontrollable feeling.

There is nothing wrong with fear itself. Fear helps us exist in this world; it regulates the basic instinct - survival. In the event of some kind of threat, we first of all save our lives, and also do everything to provide ourselves with food, warmth and protection.

A person always strives to be comfortable and safe, and it is the fear of losing something good, necessary, necessary that often pushes one to deceive.

Basically, lying to one degree or another is associated with the fear of losing a loved one, friend, girlfriend, trust. As a consequence, the suppression of some “ugly” facts of one’s biography, fairy-tale theories, fables, and the like.

As an example, consider the following case. The husband was late at work because he was celebrating a colleague’s birthday. Arriving home, he told his wife that he had to solve urgent work problems outside of work hours, and drank a glass to relieve stress.

And here is another case that is familiar first-hand to parents of children studying at school: A boy receives a bad grade and tears out a page from his diary and waits in horror - “whether he blows it or not.”

2. Creating a certain opinion about yourself

And there is nothing supernatural about this. This is our nature. We value those who are nearby and present ourselves in the best light, and do not talk about negative aspects. We all want to be better, we all want to be loved and treated well.

For graduation, we take out the best dress and pretend to be boundless happiness, we don’t talk about our problems, we only talk about our non-childish achievements, which naturally did not exist.

3. The desire to hide the truth for humanitarian reasons

In such a case, we are talking about “white lies.” Everyone can decide for himself what is preferable to him: “bitter truth” or “sweet lie.”
  • If a relative is seriously ill, then perhaps in some cases it is worth hiding the truth from him and showing optimism and confidence in his speedy recovery.
  • If a child or an elderly person’s loved one has died, then sometimes the truth is not told right away, so as not to injure or worsen the condition.
  • If a little person’s pet has died, then it is better to tell the child that the cat or dog has been taken to the doctor. Then, as events unfold, you can discuss a situation in which the sick animal should live in a clinic under the supervision of veterinarians.
Sometimes people hide some shameful or unreasonable facts from their biography. Everyone has at least one skeleton in their closet; we are all trying to hide something, especially if this “something” may shock our family. And this is often the right decision.

Well, why does a husband need to know that eight years ago his wife had a lover with whom she had a passionate affair? And she didn’t go to a sanatorium, but to relax with this very man? It’s all over a long time ago, time has passed, and it’s simply not reasonable to hurt a person.

If we consider the many reasons for lies, concealment of facts, distortion of the truth and double interpretation of the truth, we can often come to very interesting conclusions. It turns out that lying is not only not bad, but sometimes even useful. We just need to do this wisely, with full assumption of responsibility for this “lie” of ours and with an understanding of the reasons that prompted us to take such a step.

Rules for successful white lies

How to make white lies believed?

  1. The main principle is not to overdo it with lies. Give out information in portions so that the lie is truthful. It will be difficult to believe that you have seen flying elephants.
  2. Lies should be thought out in advance, then it will look more natural than when you stutter and your eyes frantically run around.
  3. Watch the person you want to deceive. There are different people: some are ready to believe in almost everything, even what defies logic, while others question everything. Study the person and find your own approach to him.
  4. Be mindful of the little things you mention. A lie can be discovered because of a little thing you missed. If you tell your husband that you went to the movies with your friend on Friday, then a week later don’t forget which movie you went to. It will be very suspicious if after some time you invite your loved one to go to the same film, forgetting that you have already seen it.
  5. Sincerely believe in what you say. It often happens that you need to tell a lie where you did not intend. Don't stress when you lie. This immediately raises some suspicions. Relax and tell what you were going to say, now is not the time to feel guilty for your lies, because almost everyone does this.

Video: Can a lie be good?

Sometimes they want to use lies for good. I don't believe that a lie can do good.
The pure truth sometimes causes acute pain, but the pain passes, while the wound inflicted by lies festers and does not heal.
John Steinbeck. East of Eden

Conclusion

Lying is not a way out of the situation, but if you are going to lie for the benefit of your interlocutor, then lie in such a way that he does not have any suspicions about it.