Hard to imagine happy family. After all, children are an extension of their parents.

Babies fill the life of mother and father with new meaning, unite spouses and give opportunity to established couples realize oneself as parents.

But there are also situations when a man refuses to have children, citing a variety of reasons for their refusal.

An unwanted child: what are the consequences? Find out about this from ours.

Psychology and reasons

Why doesn't a man want children? The woman is already ready for motherhood and feels that there is a suitable man.

In her eyes, her beloved husband or boyfriend has the potential to become a great father.

But on the proposal to have a child together the man reacts negatively, aggressively or simply avoids the topic.

The reason, as a rule, lies in personal attitudes and beliefs that have formed in a person’s head based on his own experience, the example of others or the opinions of people significant to him:

  1. The wife will stop paying attention to her husband. Men are often afraid that after the birth of a child, a woman will give all her love to the baby. But she will forget about her husband, getting bogged down in diapers, baby vests and baby formula. And while the new mother will once again shake the rattle over the cradle, the hungry and unloved father will go to work in a wrinkled shirt.

    And if earlier a man could talk to his wife at any time or ask her to do something, now the baby has become the “main person” in the family.

  2. The wife will become ugly/uninteresting. Mothers often suffer from a lack of personal time. When should you take care of yourself if your infant son or daughter constantly requires attention and care? And childbirth often doesn’t affect a woman’s appearance in the best way. Here you have excess weight, stretch marks, and other delights of motherhood. And a man, having a beautiful and well-groomed girl as his wife, is afraid of getting a fat aunt with a dirty head and a swollen face from another sleepless night instead of his princess.

  3. After childbirth, a woman’s range of interests also narrows to the “children’s world.” And the husband understands that when he comes home after work, he will no longer have intimate conversations with his wife or discuss painfully favorite topics. Now the tiny family member will always be on the agenda (how the baby ate, how many times he went to the potty, how long he slept).
  4. I can't handle it. Fear of not being able to feed your family is one of the most common fears among men. After all, after the birth of a child, you will have to spend money on diapers, a crib, a stroller, toys, etc. And my wife will go on maternity leave. And if the spouse decides to go to work, then the nanny will be in charge of raising the heir, whose services will have to be paid from the family budget.
  5. I will lose my freedom. Before children appear, a woman is loyal to her husband’s hobbies. While her beloved leaves to meet friends, she meets with her friends. The husband goes fishing - the wife goes to the beauty salon.

    But after the birth of the baby, the woman finds herself in isolation. She is forced to obey a certain schedule (sleep, feeding, various procedures). And not all friends are willing to spend time with young mothers.

    Here you can also add problems with transportability, because riding with a baby on public transport is inconvenient, and carrying him in your arms is quite difficult. Well, little changes for a man. He also goes to work, wants to watch football this weekend and plans to go fishing. The wife begins to accumulate grievances, beg and express dissatisfaction: “I sit at home, and you go wherever you want!” The result is quarrels with your beloved and omnipresent restrictions.

  6. Relationship with wife will deteriorate. Hormonal changes, fatigue, health problems (wife or child), lack of sleep, fears and worries. All this can seriously spoil a wife. And if before she was an affectionate cat, the man is accustomed to this situation. He does not want to live with a grumpy and embittered woman.
  7. I've already been through this. This situation arises in families in which (or the husband has children from his ex-wife). Perhaps the ex-wife became unbearable after the birth of the child. Or maybe during the times of “naked youth” there was an acute shortage of money, and the family was forced to limit itself in everything for the sake of the children. Or the man became a hostage to his status as a “father” and was deprived of any joys and entertainment. The negative experience has been deposited in the subconscious and now the husband protests in every possible way to his beloved’s desire to become a mother.
  8. The wrong woman is nearby. It also happens that, being in a relationship or marriage with a woman, a man does not see her as the mother of his children. After all, the male body is structured differently than the body of the fairer sex. There are no age restrictions or “biological clocks,” and you can become a father at 40, 50, and even 60 years old. And as long as a man feels good next to his chosen one, he will be in a relationship with her.

    But at the same time, he will understand that sooner or later he will part with his companion for the sake of a more suitable candidate for the role of mother.

  9. I don't want to be like others. If a negative example of a family with children constantly flashes before a man’s eyes, he will not want to have children of his own. After all, a bad example is scary. What if your beloved wife becomes as angry and irritable as your neighbor’s wife? Or will he also gain weight and start walking around in washed out dressing gowns? Or will the little one scream forever and torment his parents like the son of his best friend?

What to do?

My husband doesn’t want a child: what should I do?

If your husband doesn’t want you to give birth to a son or daughter, this does not mean that you should bury dreams of motherhood.

First of all, it is worth finding out why your spouse does not plan to become a father.

Ask more questions

If a man is ready for a frank conversation, it is necessary without any offense talk to him. Does your spouse or boyfriend directly say that he doesn’t want children?

Ask why. And if your loved one evades the topic, you can use a woman’s cunning.

Use indirect or leading questions, ask the man’s opinion about the situation in other families that have children or are just waiting for a new addition.

Gradually it will work out collect information, on the basis of which you can work and change negative attitudes to positive ones.

Negotiate with the man

What scares your spouse?? Need to get up at night after a hard day at work?

You can negotiate with grandmothers who will take the baby to their place several times a week. You can hire a nanny or.

Is the husband worried that he will be left without the attention and affection of his wife? Or is he afraid of losing his free time? You can always find a compromise and reach an agreement with my spouse.

Main- do not remain silent, but warn in advance, grievances and fears through a productive discussion of the problem.

Set a positive example

Avoid contact with families in which children have caused quarrels or discord. You should not visit couples who have naughty, spoiled and always screaming children.

Having looked at such an “anti-idyll”, the husband will definitely not want to have his own kids.

But watching couples who raise their children in love and harmony, maintain love and passion for each other, your chosen one will gradually cast aside all fears and prejudices.

And if a man is afraid that instead of a beautiful and liberated wife he will get a blurry housewife, prove otherwise. Show photos of famous actresses or girls you know who have successfully returned to their former shape after childbirth and lead an active lifestyle.

Don't "scare"

It is a common situation in which woman making comments regarding familiar married couples with children, while taking the mother’s side.

“Yes, if I were her, I would kick my husband out of the house!”, “And why is she letting him go with his friends? It would be better if she made me sit with the little one all night!”, “What does unkempt mean? She gave birth to his child! I must now love someone who is unkempt, and has a dirty head and stretched out pants!”

Saying such words rashly, a woman does not think about what a man applies similar statements to his family. And the desire to have children is replaced by fears and prejudices.

Take your time

It is important not only to motivate a man to have an heir, but also to understand himself. Many women suffer from substitution of concepts.

Due to pressure from relatives, conversations with friends about the “joy of motherhood” and external propaganda, representatives of the fair sex begin to think that they want children.

In fact, this is just an attitude imposed from outside. And subconsciously a woman strives to avoid pregnancy and picks up a man who is not ready to become a father.

I want a child, but my husband doesn’t.

If your husband does not want children, it is important to discuss this topic with him and try to find a compromise.

Worst behavior - try to push for pity, throw tantrums and scandals.

It is better to give the man as much attention as possible and show that your love for your spouse is strong and will not weaken after the birth of the baby.

And if a man has any psychological blocks (bad experience of fatherhood, difficult relationships with parents and persistent phobias), it is better seek help from a family psychologist.

The guy doesn't want children. You shouldn’t have any illusions that the guy will want children later or is not yet mature. Silence on the part of a woman and hope for a bright future, in which there will be babies and home comfort, lead to nowhere.

Ask your guy about what your life together will be like. Is there room for children in it?

If the chosen one does not want children and sets other goals for himself (travel, science, career, etc.), then he will have to accept his position or break off the relationship.

I'm pregnant and my husband doesn't want a baby. If love and mutual understanding reign in the family, but the man does not want a child, explain to him why it is so important for you to become a mother.

Bring up the topic of health (after all, an abortion can lead to infertility and problems with conception in the future). If a man plans to have children together (even if not now), this will become a weighty argument for him.

Take a step towards a man, actively showing her feelings for him.

It is important to encourage the man, to say that he will become a good father and will be able to provide his family with everything necessary.

It makes sense to curb your financial appetites, and not look at branded onesies and expensive strollers, so as not to aggravate a man’s fear of responsibility.

My husband doesn't want a second child. Negative experiences prevent men from deciding to have a second child. If you don’t have children together, then it’s your ex-wife’s fault.

Explain to your husband that the baby not always a problem, and in your family the husband’s opinion will be taken into account, as well as the wife’s opinion. Show your spouse that you are willing to compromise.

If you have a child together, and after his birth there is discord in the family, you need to discuss this with your husband. Most likely, he has formed certain claims.

Find out, what mistakes, grievances and problems arose after the baby is born? Maybe you stopped paying attention to him? Or did they lose their temper over trifles? Have you limited your intimate life?

Explain to your spouse that having given birth to a second child, you will take into account all the negative nuances and, together with your loved one, you will begin to “learn from your own mistakes.”

My wife wants a child, but I don’t.

If your wife dreams of children, and you are a supporter of the “childfree” movement, then you will not have a future together with this woman.

Sooner or later, requests and persuasion will turn into a stage of chronic resentment and depression, and the family idyll will crack.

Well, if you plan to have children together, however now is not the right time for the birth of offspring (financial difficulties, housing problems, career prospects, etc.) you can explain the situation to your beloved woman.

Set a specific date when you will be ready to give birth and raise heirs and be able to provide your family with everything they need.

Kids are great. They allow you to take relationships to a new, higher level. But it's important perceive the child not as the center of the universe and the only meaning of life, but as another family member, equal in status to the spouses.

Then children will be a joy, and not a heavy burden and a threat to the personal life and professional fulfillment of the spouses.

My man doesn’t want to have children, what should I do?! Psychotherapy: