It says that cheating on a husband or wife occurs quite often in married couples, although there are exceptions... If this happened to you and you are tormented by your conscience and you don’t know how to live with it, then perhaps this article will be useful to you.

What to do NOT necessary. Remember: what is not prohibited is permitted? So in this situation: do as you see fit, but you should not do what is described below.

Don't rush to tell your husband

Even if this is your first impulse. Even if he suspects something. Don't say anything until you've thought about the situation. First, imagine how your husband will react to this news, because you know him well. What will he feel: pain, resentment, anger?

Do you want to put him to this test? It is unlikely that this will help you understand yourself; rather, on the contrary, it will drain all your mental strength.

Don't give in to guilt

You probably blame yourself for giving in to emotions, ruining your marriage, etc. Stop for a moment. Guilt is an excellent manipulator. It blocks important things from you and makes you feel like a victim of circumstances.

Cheating is already a fait accompli, and reproaching yourself will not solve anything. I’ll say more: sometimes cheating is just a reason to feel guilty, bad, worthless in front of your husband and children. Don't fall into this trap. You are not a bad person, even if you have done a bad thing. Anyone can make a mistake, but you can’t subject your whole life to a mistake.

Don't make cheating a disaster

Yes, yes, betrayal is just a moment in life. Its meaning, like the meaning of any life fact, is determined by our attitude towards it. And if your glass is always half full, you should look for the positive in any event.

Treason, like a litmus test, can indicate changes in your state of mind, disagreements with your husband, or a restructuring of life values.

To do this, you need to honestly ask yourself why this happened. Perhaps the matter is a discrepancy between your and your husband’s sexual temperaments. Perhaps you have communication problems or spend too little time together.

The main thing is that you do not panic and do not blame yourself for all the sins of humanity. Then you can calmly figure out, on your own or with the help of a psychologist, what caused the betrayal.

source: xn--f1alv.xn--p1ai

Research by modern psychologists, statistics

Many studies by modern psychologists, and simply observations of the lives of ordinary people, indicate that today cheating is a very common phenomenon, although in some cultures such behavior is still considered a serious crime.

According to statistics, men have affairs more often, but a wife’s betrayal of her husband has long ceased to be something extraordinary. Just a couple of centuries ago, unfaithful women were severely condemned by society and even punished, but since then the world has been shaken by a cultural revolution that took place under the auspices of freedom of expression of personality.

Nowadays, the picture of family relationships and values ​​has completely turned upside down. The situation when one of the spouses has a sexual relationship on the side is already typical for many marriages.

Sad statistics show that approximately 40% of women are not faithful to their husbands. Moreover, more and more often you can find situations where people practice so-called “open relationships” in marriage, that is, the wife cheats with the consent of the husband and vice versa.

If the spouse’s infidelity is revealed suddenly, a real tragedy can occur when all its members suffer when the family is destroyed. It is very difficult to understand the reasons for the decline of moral and family values ​​in each specific case, however, it is worth trying if your own family life is at stake.

Possible motives for female infidelity

On the question of why cheating on her husband suddenly becomes possible in a woman’s family life, it is hardly possible to adhere to any specific universal opinion.

Psychologists believe that most often, when engaging in adultery, a married woman is guided by the following motives:

  • dissatisfaction with your own marriage;
  • resentment towards the husband, the cause of which may be his inattention or even previous betrayal on his part;
  • fading feelings for her husband, lack of a full-fledged sex life with him;
  • sudden onset of love on the side.

However, all of the above motives, except the last one, can hardly be somehow eliminated by starting an extramarital relationship. But women consciously or unconsciously take this step. Some simply want to feel wanted and loved again, others simply feel helpless in the face of problems that have arisen in their own family life.

In those families where spouses, by mutual consent, practice polygamous relationships, things are also not rosy, although at first it may seem otherwise.

  • Firstly, if there are children in the family, then, first of all, they are the ones who suffer, growing up without any concepts of morality and family values;
  • Secondly, in such a situation one can hardly talk about great love between spouses.

Cheating on a wife with the consent of her husband will not make her happy, and family relationships will simply be devoid of warmth, respect and trust.

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Double standards

Psychologists conducted a very interesting study that showed that representatives of different sexes have different views on the problem of betrayal in relation to each other. Thus, it turned out that most men tend to believe that extramarital affairs are permissible for them, while for women it is not.

Women adhere to the principle of equality in this matter, making the same demands on the stronger sex as they do on themselves. A similar double standard appeared in the Middle Ages, when the so-called “chastity belts” were invented, which were used only for women.

Although modern scholars believe that these are fictions and that no belts actually existed, society still maintains to some extent the idea that men are allowed and forgiven for doing things that women are ridiculed and condemned for. If we turn to world religions, then there is no double morality in them.

For example, the betrayal of a husband in Islam is condemned as strictly as the betrayal of a wife. Of course, modern people resolve such issues within the family, but previously immoral behavior was punished publicly.

Is it possible to forgive your wife's betrayal?

A wife's betrayal of her husband is a serious test for a family, when not only the relationship between the spouses is at risk, but also the fate of their children. The infidelity of a loved one hurts a man to the core, and very often it is very difficult or simply impossible to earn the forgiveness of a spouse.

What can you advise a man in such a difficult situation, when the first outburst of indignation has passed and only bitterness and deepest disappointment remain? Of course, first of all, you should try to decide whether you are ready to let go of the offense and start life with your wife anew.

If yes, then the following tips will help you cope with your inner feelings:

  • try to treat the situation as rationally as possible, discarding unpleasant emotions into the background;
  • list for yourself the qualities of your spouse for which you love her;
  • try to answer: was your wife’s betrayal a mistake or a pattern caused by your inattention to her.

Of course, it’s hard to forgive betrayal, but perhaps you will be able to survive this period of crisis and now build a truly strong family. After you have carefully considered the situation, it is time to have a difficult conversation with your wife.

Listen to her explanation of what happened, see if you can accept them. As a result, you still have to make a very difficult choice: break up or stay together. It is clear that you cannot prevent yourself from feeling disappointment and mental pain.

It is very important that both spouses want change, understand each other and begin to change together. Then the relationship can be saved, and with full mutual understanding and support, such a thing as cheating on your husband or wife will never affect your family again!

source: mjusli.ru/

35 Signs of a Wife or Husband Cheating

There are many signs that indicate betrayal. The general signs of any betrayal are different: the most obvious and characteristic. So, how to catch your loved one cheating? You have reason to suspect that your loved one is deceiving you if:

1. Keeps his cell phone with him at all times, even at home, never allowing other family members to answer calls, make calls, or use the phone for other purposes.

2. Turns off the phone at home or puts it on vibrate at home, or when you are together.

3. While at home, he ignores calls on his phone.

4. Hides or destroys bills (details) for mobile communications if he (she) has a postpaid tariff, or another tariff that requires issuing an invoice with call details.

5. Does not answer calls or turns off the phone when on business trips or other trips.

6. Suddenly he begins to actively work, at the same time lose weight or look prettier in another external sense, without any reason, preparation, or conversation with you.

7. Pays extreme attention to appearance (compared to previous periods), putting a lot of effort into looking good, even if he/she is only going to the grocery store, gym, local cafe or bar, etc.

8. Suddenly starts a fitness program, attends a section, a hobby group, or he/she takes up another hobby that takes up a lot of time outside the home, and you are not able to control where your spouse is.

9. If you spend a couple of hours more than necessary on a simple task like buying groceries.

10. If he or she suddenly takes up hobbies that are unusual for him or her, for example, if your football fan shows an interest in art and visits to galleries that he has never visited before, even under penalty of death (often this is done to impress a lover) .

11. If your car suddenly becomes spotlessly clean, especially in the interior (car cleaning is often done to “cover up tracks”, and sometimes in order to impress a mistress/lover).

12. If he or she returns from the grocery store or other household “trips”, refreshed by the smell of her (his) perfume or other strong-smelling products (usually by intensifying their odors they hide the fear of the manifestation of someone else’s smell).

13. If he/she hides or destroys purchase receipts.

14. If he/she can't or won't tell you where they are staying or what they do at night on business trips and other outings.

15. If he/she shows irritation or anger when you ask about the reason or the very fact of a long absence.

16. If he/she suddenly starts working late, but you don’t find him/her at his/her workplace (for example, he/she doesn’t pick up a work, landline phone).

17. If he/she tells you that he/she regularly goes to a bar, cafe or diner after work, but doesn't tell you which one.

18. If you get very angry when you ask ordinary things about his (her) presence here or there, and he (she) creates a “storm in a teacup” in response.

19. If he hurries to the shower as soon as he arrives, avoiding physical contact with you (he is afraid that the smell of his mistress / lover could remain on him (her). The washing machine also “relieves fears and feelings of guilt.”

20. If you come home, you immediately throw things into the washer.

21. If he or she must urgently go on a business trip, but does not say where or claims that he does not know where he is, the room number, the telephone number in the room or the hotel administrator, etc.

22. If your spouse is distant and careless towards you, and also no longer needs sex in the quantities or volumes that are usual for you.

23. If your spouse becomes unusually nervous when you talk about what he/she did during the day.

24. If your spouse refuses to go anywhere together and insists on going or doing it alone (or if your spouse agrees to go together but is very annoyed): this may mean that the lovers were forced to cancel the meeting because of you).

25. If this is not the first time you have contracted sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) from your husband/wife (but which, in theory, can also be caught through household means).

26. If the husband/wife, without explanation, refuses to make love and downright defends the intimate parts of the body (this may be due to STDs, infections, or physical evidence of intimacy on the other side, such as abrasions, redness, scratches, bites, or pain in sensitive areas).

27. If you are talking with a friend or colleague, you find out that they know more about you and your family than they should. This person may be the lover of the husband/wife or know about the facts of infidelity (especially if he often says that he knew his spouse before you).

28. If you sense his or her inexplicable awkwardness at dinner parties or other social gatherings in the presence of someone else, for example, if the person exaggeratedly pretends not to know your spouse or if one of your possible lovers becomes nervous in his or her presence.

29. Spends hours on the phone, especially after going to bed or early in the morning, or if he/she regularly gets up at night to use the computer.

30. Quickly turns off the computer or switches the browser when you enter the room or if he/she gets nervous when you stand too close to the computer while he/she is using it.

31. If you find dirty (used) paper towels, toilet paper or napkins under your computer desk.

32. If he/she suddenly starts to lack money (lovers often buy expensive gifts). Your spouse (like your spouse) may pay for stays in expensive hotel rooms, will buy expensive meals to impress his mistress/lover, or even pay for the rent of a love nest.

33. Some men buy sports cars (or close to it) to impress their young lover, despite the low practicality of such a car for the family.

34. The front seat of the car is different. You sit down and feel that the adjustments are broken!

35. Occasionally, his/her hikes do not coincide with the route. He says that he will go there, but in fact they didn’t see him there.